


the words i never let you hear

by funsizedshaw



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: F/F, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, mentions of disordered eating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:31:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5278553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funsizedshaw/pseuds/funsizedshaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trish's point of view of certain moments between her and Jessica.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the words i never let you hear

_I love you._ Jess says. And through the fog of needing to obey, needing to kiss him while simultaneously wanting to throw up, Trish locks eyes with her and wonders why it doesn’t sound quite right. 

Then Jess snaps his neck and it’s all over. The haze is gone, the need is gone, everything is gone except for the revolting taste left on her tongue and the bile threatening to make it’s way up her throat. Trish wipes her mouth with her palm as if removing the remnants of his saliva on her lips will prevent the disgust and shame from overwhelming her.

She walks over to Jess on shaky legs and wraps a hand around her arm. 

_It’s over._  Trish says. 

_You saved me. You saved us. I love you._ She doesn’t say. 

-

_You promised not to save me._ Trish says, years ago in the quiet of the night. 

_I can’t help it._ Jess replies, before she flings Trish’s mother into the wall and saves Trish for the first time of many. 

_Now she knows._ Trish says. 

_No one else has protected me before. No one else has tried to. Thank you._ She doesn't say. 

- 

_It’s not your fault._ Trish whispers when Jess jerks awake at 4am, shaking from another nightmare haunted by a woman being hurled backwards onto the path of an oncoming bus. 

Jess retches into the bathroom sink and Trish anxiously hovers by the doorway with a glass of water. 

The next evening, Jess isn’t home when Trish comes back. 

_Don’t look for me._ On a post-it on the fridge, is all she has left behind. A post-it note and a helpless best friend. 

_I was never the hero you wanted me to be._ Jess says, 6 months later. 

_I’ll get your money._ Trish says. 

_You were always a hero. I never wanted you to be anything but exactly who you were. Who you still are._ She doesn’t say. 

-

_I can’t risk you._ Jess says, and Trish doesn’t know if it’s an _I love you_  or a dismissal. 

Jess gives her a half smile as she leaves and she tries not to wonder when she’ll see her next. She calls a locksmith instead. 

That night, Trish trains harder. Her punches are faster and sharper, and she works her muscles to be stronger than they have ever been. The bruises and aches are insignificant. She’s gone through worse for far less. 

_I don’t need your protection._ She tells Jess when she calls. 

_I want to protect you. Let me risk myself. I’ll do it if it saves you._  She doesn’t say. 

- 

_Is your mom back?_ Jess half yells, and Trish feels her heart swell at the protectiveness in her voice. 

She hides a smile and shows Jess her gym instead. And then proceeds to show off some more by knocking her flat on her back. 

The total shock and faint hint of pride on Jess’s face has Trish beaming and humming to herself as she makes sandwiches. 

The next time Jess is in her home again, she’s leaning over Trish desperately trying to protect her from the mind controlled police officer hell bent on killing her. 

A day later she’s calling Jess to come and save her. Again. Trish wonders how they always end up here. With her needing to be saved, and Jess fighting her battles for her in a heartbeat. 

_He’s always here._ Jess says, pointing to her head. Trish watches her walk away and tries to believe that she can protect her best friend from a monster that is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. 

She walks up to her. 

_We’ll stop him._  She says.

_We have to. I almost lost you once and every night I go to sleep terrified that I will wake up in a world that you have left and are never coming back to._ She doesn’t say. 

-

_I can’t do that thing where I make you feel better, alright? I don’t know how._  Jess says. 

Trish hands her the keys and walks away.

She thinks about that time Jess found her flicking through food channels on the tv and crying. Jess pulled her away from the couch and took her to the grocery store and let Trish pick out whatever she wanted. If Jess noticed that Trish picked yoghurt because it was the only thing she could stand to eat without feeling like she had to throw it up later, she didn’t mention it. And when Trish noticed that Jess was shaking with anger when she saw her mother that night, she didn’t mention it but instead gently uncurled Jess’s fist and slipped a hand into hers. 

She remembers all the nights she woke up in a cold sweat from nightmares that must have sounded so trivial to Jess. Jess who was in a car accident and lost all her family but was still so strong and brave. Jess who would sneak into her room after her mother went to sleep. Jess who scoffed when Trish told her that, who told her to shut up and stop saying sorry and just sleep. Jess who would tentatively rub circles onto Trish’s back so she would calm down enough to fall back asleep. 

She turns around when Simpson calls out to her, and glances at Jess before leaving. 

_You do it without even trying._ Trish doesn’t say. 

-

The first night after Kilgrave died for good, Trish wakes up gasping and runs to the bathroom to throw up. Even the lingering taste of vomit on her tongue does nothing to chase away the reminder of his lips on hers. She spends the rest of the night pummelling her punching bag. 

After three nights with barely any sleep, Trish calls Jess at 4am. 

_The first time, you threw my mother against the wall. The second time, you ran away with me when I couldn’t stand to live with her anymore. Third, you came back after 6 months. The fourth, you tranqed me so Simpson wouldn’t kill me. The fifth time, you called the ambulance and stayed with me until I was okay. The sixth time, you snapped Kilgrave’s neck._

Jess listens without saying a word until Trish pauses.

_You know, repeating street names will probably be less time consuming._

Trish lets out a short laugh. 

_Shut up._ She says. 

_Come and live with me._ She continues. 

_I love you._ _I love you._ _I love you._ She finishes. 

She waits for a beat. 

_I love you._ Jess says. And this time it sounds just right. 

 


End file.
